Primanti Bros. Shuts Down 10 Prime Locations Amid Boycott Backlash Following J.D. Vance Fallout

In what can only be described as a sandwich-sized disaster, Pittsburgh’s beloved Primanti Brothers has closed the doors on 10 of its prime locations, succumbing to the mounting pressure from a rapidly growing boycott. What started as a small spat over a campaign stop involving Republican vice presidential nominee J.D. Vance has snowballed into a full-blown political food fight, with the restaurant chain caught squarely in the middle.

For decades, Primanti Bros. has been known for its iconic sandwiches—stacked high with meats, cheese, French fries, and coleslaw—but now the chain is making headlines for a very different reason: its decision to bar J.D. Vance from entering one of its locations in North Versailles, Pennsylvania, and the social media firestorm that followed.

On September 28, J.D. Vance, the Republican vice presidential nominee and close Trump ally, rolled up to the North Versailles Primanti Bros. location, ready to meet supporters, shake hands, and presumably enjoy a sandwich that could feed a small village. But instead of being greeted with cheers and sandwich platters, Vance was met with a manager who reportedly told him, “JD’s not allowed in.”

According to witnesses, Secret Service agents had already begun securing the area, but the Primanti Bros. manager wasn’t having it. “This is not a campaign stop,” the manager reportedly said, threatening to call the police if Vance stepped foot inside the establishment.

As videos of the incident spread like wildfire across social media, Trump supporters quickly mobilized, accusing the restaurant chain of political bias and demanding an immediate boycott. After all, just weeks earlier, the same Primanti Bros. location had hosted a private event for none other than Vice President Kamala Harris and her husband. The double standard was glaring, and Trump supporters weren’t going to let it slide.

Within hours, the hashtag #BoycottPrimanti was trending on X (formerly Twitter), with users calling for Trump supporters nationwide to cut ties with the famous sandwich chain. What started as a regional kerfuffle was quickly turning into a national movement. Outraged supporters of Vance and Trump shared videos, posted memes, and vowed to take their sandwich money elsewhere.

“Primanti Bros. used to be my go-to for a good time and a better sandwich,” one user posted. “But after what they did to JD? Never again. #BoycottPrimanti.”

As the boycott gained steam, Primanti Bros. attempted some damage control. In a statement, the company claimed that Vance’s visit had caused “momentary confusion” and that the situation was quickly resolved. But video evidence showing Vance being turned away and meeting supporters in the parking lot suggested otherwise. The damage had been done, and Primanti’s statement fell flat.

In the days following the Vance incident, the boycott began to take a serious toll on Primanti Bros. businesses, particularly in areas where Trump support runs deep. Locations that had once been bustling with lunchtime patrons were eerily empty. Employees, who once balanced towers of fries and meat between slices of bread, were left twiddling their thumbs, waiting for customers who never came.

Then, the unthinkable happened: Primanti Bros. announced it would be closing 10 of its prime locations indefinitely due to “unforeseen financial difficulties.”

“Unfortunately, the boycott has led to a significant drop in sales, forcing us to make tough decisions about our operations,” a Primanti spokesperson said, trying to put a positive spin on what was clearly a meat-and-potatoes PR crisis. “We are heartbroken to have to close these beloved locations, but we are committed to our long-term survival and to serving our remaining customers.”

The 10 locations that shut down were, unsurprisingly, in more conservative areas of Pennsylvania, Ohio, and West Virginia—hotbeds of Trump and Vance support. Many patrons who frequented these establishments had already voiced their disappointment, not just with Primanti’s handling of the Vance situation, but with the chain’s perceived political favoritism in general.

“I’ll miss the sandwiches, but I can’t support a company that treats conservatives like second-class citizens,” said one former regular customer as she walked past the shuttered doors of her local Primanti Bros. “First they kick out JD Vance, next it could be me.”

The fact that Kamala Harris had been warmly welcomed to the same Primanti location just a month earlier only added fuel to the fire. The event, labeled a “private affair,” was reportedly stocked with paid actors posing as patrons. Several disgruntled customers were asked to leave early to make way for Harris and her entourage, sparking accusations of hypocrisy and double standards.

“Funny how it’s a ‘private event’ for Kamala, but when JD shows up, they treat him like he’s there to rob the place,” one X user wrote. “Is there a secret liberal sandwich menu we don’t know about?”

While Primanti tried to play both sides by claiming it was open to patrons of “all political persuasions,” the backlash was swift and unforgiving. For many, the incident confirmed long-standing suspicions that companies like Primanti are quick to cater to one side of the political spectrum while dismissing the other.

The closure of 10 locations marks a significant blow for the restaurant chain, which has been a Pittsburgh institution for more than 90 years. Primanti Bros. prides itself on being a “proud American business,” and its legendary sandwiches are practically synonymous with Pittsburgh itself. But as the boycott shows no signs of slowing down, Primanti Bros. is left facing an existential question: Can they rebuild their reputation and win back the customers they’ve lost?

For now, the remaining 33 locations are still operating, but insiders suggest that more closures could be on the horizon if the boycott continues to gather steam.

In the meantime, social media users have been quick to poke fun at the restaurant’s situation. Memes of empty Primanti locations, complete with untouched sandwiches gathering dust, have gone viral, with captions like “Primanti’s: Now serving political bias with every bite” and “Sorry, no fries for conservatives.”

The fallout from the J.D. Vance incident at Primanti Bros. serves as a stark reminder that, in today’s polarized political climate, no place is safe from the culture wars—not even your favorite sandwich shop. What started as a simple misunderstanding between a manager and a political candidate has morphed into a national boycott with real consequences.

For now, Primanti Bros. is left picking up the pieces, hoping to weather the storm and return to what it does best: making sandwiches that can stop hearts but never minds. Whether they can survive the great boycott of 2024 remains to be seen, but one thing is clear: this isn’t just about sandwiches anymore—it’s about where you stand, both politically and in line for a pastrami on rye.

As for J.D. Vance? Well, he still hasn’t gotten his sandwich.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, it’s not True.