In a dramatic post-election twist that feels straight out of a Hollywood screenplay, Bruce Springsteen and Robert De Niro have declared their intentions to leave the United States following Donald Trump’s resounding reelection victory. Citing a lack of respect and a growing cultural divide, the iconic musician and legendary actor delivered their joint announcement in what can only be described as a heartfelt, albeit theatrical, farewell to the nation they’ve called home for decades.

“America is unrecognizable,” Springsteen said during a hastily organized press conference outside a New York diner, his usual denim-clad stoicism replaced with visible disappointment. “I’ve sung about its struggles, its triumphs, its people. But this? This isn’t the America I wrote about in Born to Run.”

De Niro, ever the dramatic performer, chimed in. “We’re not running away,” he clarified, his hands gesturing as if directing his own impassioned monologue. “We’re being pushed out. There’s no respect for us here anymore.”

Both men have long been vocal critics of Trump, with De Niro famously calling the former president “a fool” and Springsteen lamenting the division he believes Trump’s presidency has exacerbated. Their decision to leave the U.S. comes as they claim to feel increasingly alienated in a country they say has turned its back on the values they hold dear.

“For years, I’ve been called ‘The Boss,’ but now it seems America doesn’t even want a worker like me,” Springsteen quipped, attempting to inject some humor into the otherwise somber announcement. “We’re leaving because staying feels like pretending things are fine when they’re not.”

De Niro, never one to mince words, took a sharper tone. “You know what it feels like? It feels like living in a bad movie, and I’ve made a few bad movies,” he said with a wry grin. “But even Rocky and Bullwinkle had more sense than this.”

While the duo stopped short of naming their final destination, rumors are swirling that Springsteen has his eye on Italy, the homeland of his ancestors, while De Niro might join him for an extended stay in Tuscany. “Italy respects its artists,” De Niro noted. “And the food’s better, let’s be honest.”

Some sources suggest the two may collaborate on a new project while overseas—perhaps a documentary chronicling their disillusionment with modern America, tentatively titled The Land We Left Behind.

“Don’t think of it as us quitting,” Springsteen said. “Think of it as a sabbatical until the soul of America comes back.”

The announcement has sparked an outpouring of emotion from fans across the political spectrum. Many are heartbroken at the thought of losing two cultural icons who have long been synonymous with American grit and artistry.

“Bruce Springsteen IS America,” one fan tweeted. “If he’s leaving, what does that say about where we’re headed?”

Others, however, were less sympathetic. “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” quipped one critic on social media. “Maybe Europe will appreciate your out-of-touch whining.”

The debate rages on, with some praising Springsteen and De Niro for taking a stand, while others accuse them of abandoning the country in its time of need.

The decision by two of America’s most famous cultural figures to leave the country underscores the deepening divide in a nation grappling with political and social unrest. While Trump supporters celebrate his reelection as a mandate for their vision of America, his critics view it as a step backward for progress and unity.

“It’s not about politics—it’s about values,” Springsteen explained. “I’ve always believed in the promise of this country. But right now, that promise feels broken.”

De Niro echoed those sentiments, adding, “America used to be the land of opportunity, not opportunism. It’s hard to watch what it’s become.”

Both Springsteen and De Niro have spent their careers championing the underdog, whether through music or film. Their departure feels, to many, like the ultimate act of protest—a statement as bold as any song or movie they’ve ever created.

“I’m not giving up,” Springsteen insisted. “I’ll keep writing, keep singing. But maybe it’s time to do it from a distance.”

De Niro, ever the actor, framed it in cinematic terms. “Every story has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Maybe this chapter of my American story is over. But I’m still working on the sequel.”

As they prepare to leave, both Springsteen and De Niro have promised to stay connected with their fans and continue their respective creative endeavors. Springsteen hinted at a new album inspired by his feelings of exile, tentatively titled Leaving the Heartland. De Niro, meanwhile, is reportedly in talks for a film project exploring the lives of expatriates.

“We’re not disappearing,” Springsteen reassured his audience. “We’re just finding a new stage to perform on.”

For their fans, the departure feels like the end of an era—one where art and activism intertwined to give voice to the voiceless. Whether their departure will spark meaningful change or simply add fuel to an already raging cultural fire remains to be seen.

As the press conference concluded, Springsteen pulled out a harmonica, playing a haunting rendition of This Land Is Your Land that brought some in the crowd to tears. De Niro, standing beside him, offered a simple, poignant farewell: “Take care of this place while we’re gone.”

For better or worse, America will now have to navigate its future without two of its most outspoken advocates. Whether their absence will be felt as a void or a relief likely depends on which side of the aisle you’re standing.

NOTE: This is SATIRE, It’s Not True.