P Diddy is spending a lot of time complaining about what he’s eating in jail, so I thought I’d find out just what he was going through at meal times.
The disgraced rapper, 55, is currently banged up at the Metropolitan Detention Center (MDC) in Brooklyn, New York after being arrested in September on charges of sex trafficking, racketeering conspiracy and transportation to engage in prostitution – allegations he has consistently denied. And according to the singer’s legal representative Marc Agnifilo, the worst part of the singer’s imprisonment is the grub he’s served. “I think the food’s probably the roughest part of it,” the attorney said last month.
It’s difficult to know how accurate this is. Yes, Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs is likely accustomed to exquisite five-star meals from when he used to reside in his California mansion – anything short of Michelin experience is probably a bit of a slap in the face.
On the other hand the MDC was dubbed a “hell-hole” this year by the lawyer of an inmate who died following a brawl on the inside. There have been several instances of prisoners who’ve been killed – but so far, none by food poisoning.
In fact, according to People Magazine the menu at the MDC is pretty decent with a wide range of items you’d be lucky to find in a standard restaurant.
In order to find out whether or not Combs has a leg to stand on (on the food claims front), I thought I’d spend a day eating exactly what he reportedly gobbles every day.
Breakfast
The publication claimed Combs starts his day behind bars at 6am with a breakfast of cereal, fruit and a ‘breakfast cake’ – not too shabby. As someone who usually starts the day with a coffee and a cigarette, this all sounded very appealing. Around 7am I tucked into a banana and a tangerine.
“Is this hell on Earth?” I asked myself. No – it was just fruit.
I decided to forgo the ‘breakfast cake’ because what was coming my way sounded gluttonous enough already. The only thing that stung was the lack of coffee because Combs reportedly only gets that caffeinated beverage on weekends, poor bloke.
Lunch
11am is reportedly the time Combs gets his lunch, which consists of mains from hamburgers and baked fish or beef tacos, with scrambled eggs on the weekend.
That seems a very weird time to eat lunch (maybe that was the “rough” part?), so at 1.30pm I ate some hamburgers I’d bought from Iceland the night before. I kept it simple on the garnishes and instead just whacked on some mature cheddar I’d found gripping the back of my fridge. Bon appetite.
Rough? No. Tasty? Definitely. A hamburger is a hefty lunch to eat midway through the working day, however, especially without any coffee to pep me up and as the afternoon drifted so did I, becoming grateful for the promise of a nap after work.
I still didn’t feel hard done by though, just cosy in the gentle fires of post-burger-dom.
Dinner
I woke up with two words on my lips. Chicken enchiladas. I had looked forward to this all day.
According to People, Combs gets this delicious Mexican cuisine at 4pm. What on Earth does he do for the rest of his day? Maybe that’s the rapper’s gripe – a lack of a conventional dinner time means the structure of his evening lies in ruins? I’m clutching at straws here.
Anyway, I had mine at the normal time of 7.30pm. And it was a fine meal. Atop the enchiladas was a layer of melted cheese, some avocados and sour cream, even a gentleman’s pinch of coriander. I gleefully rubbed my hands and chomped away.
Were Combs’ enchiladas as decked out as mine? I didn’t know – I didn’t care either. I was in a land of ecstasy, every mouthful was heaven and I waltzed back and forth from my kitchen counter in the hunt for seconds, thirds and fourths.
Then suddenly my greed overcame me and I couldn’t eat anymore. A rigid pain erupted from my gut and I slumped in my chair feeling nauseous and guilty. Enchiladas heaped upon hamburgers – ugly scenes. I finally understood the complaints a little better as I hauled myself upstairs to lie down.
Rough? Yeah, a little bit. Maybe the rapper was right after all.
