Years after Amy Winehouse‘s tragic death, fans are getting insight into her most personal thoughts.

The late singer’s parents, Mitch and Janis Winehouse, have released excerpts of their daughter’s private journal to celebrate what would have been the star’s 40th birthday.

“I’m pleased that I’m different. It’s not like I want to be like everyone else. I love having my own individual style. I love being loud and mouthing off to people. It’s the way I am,” the talented vocalist — who died in July 2011 from accidental alcohol poisoning — wrote about herself.

Although Amy’s love life was fraught, she eventually married Blake Fielder-Civil from 2007-2009 — something she never thought she would do. “Sometimes I think, I wonder if there’s someone, some guy out there who’s as crazy as me? A nice guy with dark hair who wears glasses to read and is a real Indie kid? Piercings optional, Scottish or Irish accent preferably!” she penned.

Source: mega

“And why do all my brother’s friends fit this description, yet I’m much too young to do anything about it?” the “Back To Black” crooner added. “Is love ever going to cross my path, or am I destined to go out with metalheads or gorgeous guys with NO BRAIN. (One thing I despise).”

The crooner, who battled many personal demons during her short life, also reflected on how she struggled with her feelings. “I hate my temper. At times it eats away at me so much that I get physically violent with those I love. However much I say I’m sorry, it’s something they can never forget,” she explained.