Smith isn’t the first celebrity to come out as nonbinary. But Smith is still perceived and understood by society as a “man,” largely based on his voice and appearance.

Sam Smith performs during day two of Lollapalooza Buenos Aires 2019 at the Hipodromo de San Isidro on March 30, 2019 in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Santiago Bluguermann / Getty Images

Sam Smith is a nonbinary individual. This means that Smith uses gender-neutral pronouns: they, them, theirs. It’s not a difficult concept, but the singer has consistently faced pushback from fans and media who are unable or unwilling to accept Smith’s identity.

The singer first shared her nonbinary gender identity in March, but has recently politely but firmly emphasized the issue of pronouns in both a new Instagram post and a Twitter post. “After a lifetime of struggling with my gender, I have decided to embrace who I am, inside and out,” Smith said. “I understand there will be many mistakes and false gender stereotypes, but all I ask is that you give it a try.”

Coincidentally, Merriam Webster announced this week that it would add an entry to its definition of the pronoun “they” to refer to a nonbinary individual. Smith is not the first celebrity to come out as nonbinary, though they are arguably the most famous. The difference, perhaps, is that Smith is understood and perceived as a “man,” largely based on his voice and facial hair. And of course, Smith has identified as a man for much of his life, including in hit songs like “Stay With Me.”

The distinction between appearance and gender identity remains a persistent struggle for many in the queer community. Those of us who typically present as masculine or feminine may have difficulty convincing others of our queerness.

In an interview with Jameela Jamil in March, Smith shared, “When I saw the words ‘non-binary’ and ‘queer,’ and I read them and heard these people say them, I was like f— — that’s me.” And in the years before Smith hit the charts, I had slowly but surely come to terms with my own gender identity, which I realized was outside of what is considered normal by today’s cultural assumptions.

It can be hard for those of us who present as traditionally masculine or feminine to convince others of our queer gender.

Indeed, I remember feeling the same way when Facebook expanded its gender labels a few years ago. The social network no longer forced people to identify as strictly “male/male” or “female/female”—aka cisgender. As I read more about gender fluidity, queerness, nonbinary, and the many other labels and identities that exist outside the male-female binary, memories from the past came flooding back. And they made a lot more sense.

I thought back to my childhood, when I would wear makeup despite the reprimands from other boys and adults. I remembered how happy and free I felt to quietly try on what was traditionally considered women’s clothing. I remembered how safe I felt surrounded by a core group of women who didn’t judge me for all the traits I had during those formative years: from the “boom” in my hips to my love of watching pro wrestling on TV.

The news of Facebook expanding gender labels came just days after one of those women passed away. My heart was heavy, but I found myself smiling as I chose “genderfluid.” It was a small step, just a toggle really, but it was the beginning of a process that would open up my world.

One can only imagine how liberating Smith’s “aha” moment was. However, Smith seemed to anticipate the backlash that followed — a reaction all too familiar to many trans and nonbinary people who share their true selves and pronouns.

As expected, Piers Morgan couldn’t help but question the authenticity of Smith’s gender identity and pronouns on “Good Morning Britain.” Morgan called nonbinary gender identity a “fad” and “an excuse for people to be different,” and accused Smith of only sharing his pronouns as a publicity stunt to drum up interest for the album.

So that’s the end of the line, as Smith kindly requested.

Sometimes trolls are just trolls. But for transgender and nonbinary people, this lack of respect and disregard for identities and pronouns contributes to higher suicide rates and increased mental health issues compared to cisgender people, according to recent studies.

In Smith’s case, they are both queer and nonbinary. Both labels are among the many used to describe a range of sexualities and genders that are still not considered normal by mainstream cultural standards today, despite having existed throughout human history. Even as we make cultural strides toward a more equitable society, those who are considered the most different and the least assimilated will always bear the brunt of the stigma. This queer vanguard changes over time as progress ebbs and flows.

This is a testament to both the evolution of identity and the evolution of language, as the author and transgender advocate Thomas Page McBee wrote in a Twitter post of his own. “Growing up, I was familiar with words that are now rarely used: ‘butch,’ ‘genderqueer,’ and ‘genderfluid,’” he wrote. “Before I found ‘trans,’ I thought ‘man’ was right but too laden with limitations in ways I didn’t want to accept. … Argue with [Smith] all you want, the genius of queer people has always been our absolute commitment to naming our own lives.”

Growing up, I identified with words that are now rarely used: “butch,” “genderqueer,” and “genderfluid.” Before I found “trans,” I thought “man” was right but too laden with limitations in ways I didn’t want to accept. Queer language is our invention. It scares people because it evolves beyond imagination.

— Thomas Page McBee (@ThomasPageMcBee) September 16, 2019

When queer people use gender-neutral pronouns, we’re not trying to confuse or embarrass them. We’re simply trying to acknowledge that gender identity isn’t limited to male or female, just as beards don’t define masculinity.

I’m tall, have short hair, and a well-trimmed beard. But that doesn’t make me a “man”—even though those features might make me look like current male aesthetic stereotypes.

As Sam Smith reminds us, there are more than two ways to identify someone’s gender. But there’s only one way to call someone by their preferred name, pronoun, and gender identity: by following their lead.