Beyonce Knowles wants to be a country star. Apparently, having more Grammys than anyone on the planet isn’t good enough for her; she wants in on that country love.
Unfortunately, the Academy of Country Music understands the ruse and has denied her request for membership.
“Honestly,” said ACM Executive Director Joe Barron, “We thought she was joking. She put out a song that sounds a little country and she wants to do an album. Our answer was…go ahead. It won’t make you one of us.”
The ACM said it won’t consider Beyonce’s Texan roots or her genuine appreciation of the genre. “She should have thought of that before she made all the po0p music and woke crap,” said Barron, “We already have Garth Brooks, and we’re revoking his membership when this fiscal year ends in April.”
Without a membership in the Academy, Beyonce won’t be eligible for any ACM Music Awards, and she will likely never get to play the Grand Ol’ Opry. She also won’t be welcome for members’ night at Kid Rock’s Nashville Honkytonk, ($5 cover and a two-drink minimum), nor will she enjoy the 10% discount at Golden Corral or early entry to the Bass Prop Shop yearly gun safe sale.
“It’s a crushing blow to her country aspirations,” said a guy named Lou who was hanging out at a 7-11 in Galveston, “Without the ACM ward she might not qualify as one of the biggest names in music history.”
Lou seemed a little slow, but we thanked him with a pack of Winstons and a bag of those Fireball nips. God Bless America.
News
Howard University Professors Confirm: “Kamala Was the Worst Student Ever”
In an unexpected revelation that’s sure to send shockwaves through the political world, a group of retired professors from Howard University have come forward to share what can only be described as a truly bizarre chapter in the history of…
Taylor Swift Loses More Than 100 Million Followers on Instagram After Kamala Harris Endorsement
In what might be the most shocking Instagram exodus since the Great Vine Migration of 2017, pop sensation Taylor Swift woke up to find her follower count had dropped by more than 100 million overnight. The cause? Her recent endorsement…
Colin Kaepernick Says He’ll Leave for Russia If He Doesn’t Get the Respect He Deserves in the U.S.
Colin Kaepernick Says He’ll Leave for Russia If He Doesn’t Get the Respect He Deserves in the U.S. In a surprising twist that even Hollywood couldn’t have scripted, former NFL quarterback Colin Kaepernick has reportedly declared that he’s had enough…
Henry Cavill: Being Superman is Awesome But is Also Has its “Dark Moments” That’s Nothing Short of a “Curse”
Henry Cavill, best known for his role as Superman, once revealed the difficulties he faced while portraying the legendary superhero. Reflecting on his experience, he spoke openly about the bouts of self-doubt and anxiety that arose from the immense pressure to…
You Won’t Believe What Henry Cavill’s Girlfriend Natalie Viscuso Does for Work—The Truth Revealed!
Henry Cavill, known for his iconic roles as Superman and Geralt of Rivia, has recently been in the spotlight not just for his impressive career, but also for his relationship with Natalie Viscuso. While many fans are familiar with Cavill’s…
The Day Henry Cavill Became Unstoppable: Inside His Career’s Biggest Turning Point
Henry Cavill, the British actor known for his chiseled features and commanding screen presence, has long been a favorite among fans of fantasy and action films. From the moment he donned the red cape as Superman in Man of Steel to his…
End of content
No more pages to load