Tim Walz’s Brother Jeff Says He Was the Neighborhood Bully: “Everyone Hated Tim”
Jeff Walz, the brother of Vice-Presidential candidate Tim Walz, has opened up about his brother’s brutal nature. “Tim was a bully,” said the brother, according to our source, “Nobody liked him.”
Unfortunately, we weren’t able to verify the source or the quote, so we sent ALLOD Journalisticator Tara Newhole to investigate.
“It seems that it’s a complete crock of bullhonkey,” said Newhole, “Tim’s neighbors seem to love him going back to slightly before he was born, when he kicked his mom so hard in the womb that she yelled “oh crap” in church and made everyone laugh.
“That was Tim’s nature, even then,” said Pastor Joe Barron, “Everyone loved him. It made poor Jeffrey so angry.”
According to Pastor Joe, Jeff was jealous of Tim because he could do things like math and formulate complete sentences. “Those weren’t Jeff’s strong points. He was more into sports. But Tim was better than him there as well.”
Several other neighbors we interviewed said that Tim still keeps in touch and sends personalized cards for the holidays. “We’re Jewish,” said neighbor Karen Detmeyer, “So he sends a lovely Haunukah card and a nice gefilte fish. It’s very thoughtful.”
There you have it, patriots. While Tim may not be a bully, he does refuse to buy Christmas cards and says “Happy holidays.” We can’t have that in our Christian Nation. God Bless America.
News
Independent Fact-Checkers Reveal Kamala Harris Lied Approx. 29 Times During Presidential Debate- this is satire
Breaking News : NBC’s Fact Checkers Reveal Kamala Lied 29 Times During Debate With Trump: “She’s Good At Lying” In what can only be described as an Olympic-level display of verbal gymnastics, NBC’s fact-checkers have revealed that Vice President Kamala…
Followiпg Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce Also Eпdorses Harris: “Taylor Made the Right Choice”- this is satire
Followiпg Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce Also Eпdorses Harris: “Taylor Made the Right Choice”! Following Taylor Swift, Travis Kelce Also Endorses Haʀr!ꜱ: “Taylor Μadᴇ the Right Choice” In a surprising twist during the 2024 election season, Kansas City Chiefs star…
Breaking New: Beyoncé Bids Farewell to the U.S, “Nobody Listens to My New Country Album”
Breaking New: Beyoncé Bids Farewell to the U.S, “Nobody Listens to My New Country Album” Beyoпcé oп Sυпday aппoυпced пew mυsic oп her website aпd oп social media, aпd iп a Verizoп ad. The пew mυsic is part two of…
“America is Ready for Strong, Conservative Women” CBS Hires Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Megyn Kelly for a Daytime Show to Rival The View
“America is Ready for Strong, Conservative Women” CBS Hires Elisabeth Hasselbeck and Megyn Kelly for a Daytime Show to Rival The View In a significant shift for daytime television, CBS has announced the hiring of prominent conservative media figures Elisabeth…
NEWS: Elon Musk Announced That He Will Ban All Celebrity Accounts That Dare To Challenge Him.
NEWS: Elon Musk Announced That He Will Ban All Celebrity Accounts That Dare To Challenge Him. In a bold and controversial move, Elon Musk announced that he would ban all celebrity accounts that dare to challenge him on social media….
Megan Rapinoe makes a resolute departure from America, vowing never to return.
Megan Rapinoe makes a resolute departure from America, vowing never to return. In a move that has reverberated across the sports and social justice landscape, Megan Rapinoe, the iconic U.S. Women’s National Soccer Team (USWNT) player, has made a resolute…
End of content
No more pages to load