‘Law & Order: SVU’ star Mariska Hargitay shares essay on her experience with sexual assault

Mariska Hargitay, star of Law & Order: Special Victims Unit, has publicly shared her personal experience with sexual assault for the first time in a candid essay for People magazine. In the essay, published on Wednesday, Hargitay reveals the deep emotional impact of her assault and reflects on her journey towards healing.

“It wasn’t sexual at all. It was dominance and control. Overpowering control,” Hargitay writes about the assault, which occurred when she was in her 30s. “He was a friend. Then he wasn’t. I tried all the ways I knew to get out of it. I tried to make jokes, to be charming, to set a boundary, to reason, to say no. He grabbed me by the arms and held me down. I was terrified. I didn’t want it to escalate to violence.”

Hargitay describes entering a “freeze mode,” a common trauma response when escape seems impossible. “I checked out of my body,” she explains. The actress, who has dedicated much of her life to supporting survivors of sexual violence through the Joyful Heart Foundation, initially struggled to process the assault. She chose to “remove it from my narrative,” viewing this as a survival mechanism. “I now have so much empathy for the part of me that made that choice because that part got me through it. It never happened. Now I honor that part: I did what I had to do to survive,” she writes.

Over the years, Hargitay began to open up to those closest to her about what happened. Their support was pivotal in her journey, as they were the first to help her label the experience for what it was. “They were gentle and kind and careful, but their naming it was important,” she notes.

At 59, Hargitay reflects on her understanding of trauma and its effects. “Trauma fractures our mind and our memory. The way a mirror fractures,” she writes, emphasizing the long-term impact of such experiences.

Through her role as squad captain Olivia Benson on SVU, Hargitay has heard from many survivors who say the show has helped them. “They’ve experienced darkness and cruelty, an utter disregard for another human being, and they’ve done what they needed to survive,” she acknowledges. “For some, that means making Olivia Benson a big part of their lives — which is an honor beyond measure — for others, it means building a foundation. We’re strong, and we find a way through.”

Hargitay expresses a fervent hope that societal power structures enabling sexual violence will change and that survivors will receive the justice they deserve. “As for justice, I want an acknowledgment and an apology,” she asserts. “I’m sorry for what I did to you. I raped you. I am without excuse.”

In her poignant essay, Mariska Hargitay not only sheds light on her personal ordeal but also underscores her commitment to ending sexual violence and supporting others who have faced similar traumas.